Not much to report on today other than I have to say I am greatly missing coffee. I feel bad complaining about having to give up the liquid bean because so many women experiencing infertility give up SO much more just to even try to get pregnant, that me as a fertile whining “waaaaahhh, muh coffee” makes me feel petulant. But seriously, I really miss having my morning cup this time around.

One thing I find interesting about carrying a surrogate pregnancy versus my own is that I feel a stronger sense of duty or commitment for taking better care of myself than had this been potential kid #4 for us. Would I make the choice to drink that coffee? I probably would. Because I think I kept up caffeine consumption with kid #3 (and he’s turned out okay so far!). With my older two daughters pregnancies, I followed the rule book pretty closely – well, except for that whole travel to China for a month bit while pregnant with my oldest part, that might have been a bit risky – but I definitely halted the caffeine, the deli meats, the cat litter box cleaning, and the booze obviously for those 10 months.

Being pregnant and responsible for someone else’s child turns on the need for me to go above and beyond. I know my intended parents are reassured that I’m not some raging alcoholic floozy only in this for the comp money – but I do like to give them a sense that I know how much this little one matters to them, how important he/she is, because my own little bean sprouts are my everythings, and if I were in their position I would hope that the person responsible for growing my heart-outside-my-body would take just as good of care.

Anyway…I’m not peeing on any sticks until Thursday, when the pregnancy tests I ordered online are scheduled to arrive. I could go earlier, but at our grocery store they keep the pregnancy tests all locked up so you have to ask for assistance for someone to open the cage and I hate having to do that so Thursday it is!

I don’t want to speculate too much, but it’s Day 4 and this will be pregnancy #5 for me. Do I feel pregnant? Yes. I do. I would say that I am beginning to experience the all same symptoms in common with how all the others started. A heavier, bloated, “full” feeling in my uterus. The urge to urinate more frequently kicked in today. And when I accidentally brushed my hand up against my breast today, it was almost as if it yelled “hey, watch it!” at me. I know nothing is official until I get that BETA reading, which will actually be Monday the 18th. I thought they were going to do it next Friday so not having to wait as long is a nice surprise. But…if I were to bet on things after 4 babies and how my body has reacted at a similar time, I would say we have some good news coming our way. Thursday! Knowing my UPS delivery guy it will be a late in the day delivery. More waiting.

This is my favorite coffee cup, by the way. As a kid growing up with an old lady name, it was very hard to find anything cool with my name on it amidst the many offerings of Jennifer and Jessica key chains and slap bracelets. When my parents finally found me a Helen something, at 8-years-old, I thought a mug was just about the most unthrilling gift ever. Now? I am very grateful for this personalized sacred stimulant vessel.



About Helen

Person of interest. Surrogate extraordinaire. Sorry about the mess. View all posts by Helen

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