It’s theorized that the common, recurring dream some people experience of having to go back to high school because you missed a class – even though you already graduated and have moved on to college or a career (but of course you never make it to the class because everything has changed and you get lost in the dream) – is the subconscious manifesting anxiety over not being taken seriously as an adult.
I have this dream at least once a week.
There’s an urge in all of us to do something, anything, well. A passion, life-calling, a mattering.
Since I essentially became a stay-at-home Mom five years ago, because the job I used to work at paid peanuts (even better, a free Christmas tree once a year) and did not justify the expense of putting my daughter in daycare, I’ve gone through bouts of anxiety where wonder if I’m completely useless on this earth. I try the best I can to raise the kids into kind, compassionate, and intelligent little humanoids…but is that enough? In some ways I think this is why I was drawn to surrogacy. It gives me a sense of purpose and helpfulness. If nothing else, I have a fully functioning, five-star uterus which brought four babies to full-term without so much as a hitch. Is there anything special about that? Not really. Most women of child-bearing age are likely capable of the same feat. But at least it’s something that makes this domestic manager, former minimum wage worker with a college degree feel like I can contribute to society. For now, anyway. And maybe once this second journey really gets going, the dreams will go away for a while.